Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So squirting runs in the family.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
