i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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