He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
