I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
