I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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