sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
