I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
