ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
