I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
