shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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