she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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