Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
