my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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