Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
