The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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