He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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