he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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