Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
