please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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