last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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