Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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