on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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