I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
