Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
