I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
