i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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