My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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