I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The uberlube is also flammable
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
