I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
