yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am available for nakedness
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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