Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize