I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
