You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
