you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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