I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I need to sanitize my soul.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
