I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dick very happy bro
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