I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
