By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
