i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
