I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
