apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my shit smells like andre
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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