Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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