Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize