I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your penis caused this!
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