Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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