I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
