you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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