May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
