Sober January is a disaster.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
