YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
