New invention idea: vibrating tampons
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
