would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
