Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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