So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
