I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
