He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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