Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
