I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize