Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
