The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
