Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
