Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
