its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish they made helmets for livers.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
