I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
