pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
