I just pynch a tree in the face
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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