My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
