She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
