We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize