Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
