Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This is not my ceiling
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
