My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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